making a list and checking it twice
A few months back, Ms. Single Mama sent a tweet to another dating mom that really hit home for me. She said, “Do you find you choose the men you date or are they choosing you?” Wow. That was eye opening. I’ve been asked on dates. I can’t remember ever saying no – not one time in my entire life. And every date except one has turned into a long term relationship. One ended in marriage, one in a baby. Does that seem odd to anyone else, or just me? I wonder if it might be helpful for me to figure out what I might be looking for, hypothetically, in the opposite sex. Preferably before I start dating again.
Many smart people have spoken of making a list of the qualities they would want in a mate. It’s a great idea. And my dear friend Rowan wrote a post in my honor today, encouraging me to do so. I’m still not sure I’m ready. But I’ve printed her list out and posted it in my home office (aka bedroom). And it just might be the impetus I need.
Have you ever made a list? Would you be willing to share what qualities you’ve added to it?
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Jul 2nd 2009
thanks for this. it’s been on my mind lately, because as i see myself growing and opening toward dating, i find everyone i see, i’m very negative, like, no….ummm….nope…hmmm…no can do.
my list might be out of control, but i’ll give it a try. great idea.
Jul 4th 2009
Dan’s awesome post on this topic (the trackback didn’t work on it’s own): http://ageekobserved.org/blog/2009/07/listing-for-love/
Jul 6th 2009
No no no. I never make a list because I’d never stick to it. It’s a guy per guy thing. Ya know? Don’t you want to … I dunno, be surprised? Not be searching for a list of qualities all the time? I dunno, maybe for me it just takes the fun out of it.
Jul 6th 2009
Here is my list from April this year:
What I Want……………
• Honesty
• Trust
• Respect
• Thoughtful
• Kind
• Sexy
• Cute
• Funny
• Big Kid
• Happy
• Communication
• Provide For Family
• Educated
• Intelligent
• Conversation
• Jokes
• Comfy Silences
• Relaxing/Chilling
• Goals
• Ambitions
• Loyal
• Stable
• Encouraging
• Empathy
• Understanding
• Predictable
• Unpredictable
• Spontaneous
• Supportive
• Exciting
• Passionate
• Quirky
• Comfortable
Love You xxxx
Jul 6th 2009
I listen to loads of dating and relationship cd’s and they all say how important it is to make a list of what you want else you end up settling for whatever comes your way. Apparently you should have things on your list that you just will not compromise on and you can also have things that you may be willing to change. Like if on your list it said he must want children in the future and also that he must not wear sandals. Obviously the children thing is very important if you want to have a family in the future but the sandals thing you might be able to accept if every other box was ticked. I will try to find the names of the speakers on the cd’s and let you know so you can download them – very interesting
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